It’s our job to separate the news from the marketing bumf, but sometimes, a press release is too good not to share in its entirety. Enter Dear Leader:
Westerners, make ready for the coming of Dear Leader
비밀의 달 기지 – Memo from the Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK).
Kim Jong-un, Chairman of the Workers’ Party of Korea, Chairman of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, today declared that all decadent westerners must prepare for the coming of ‘Dear Leader’, the new official mobile game of the Blessed State on Android and iOS devices. It will appear on a precise day of his choosing in June 2017.
Comrade Kim Jong-un, in his infinite wisdom, has appointed Hong Kong developer Uglysoft to create the game, commemorating the heroic victory of his father, our blessed leader Kim-Jong-il against the evil demonic forces of the Rapture that broke out in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK)in 2011.
Under the guidance of our glorious leader Kim Jong-il and Prince Kim Jong-un, we vigilantly fought back and saved humanity from annihilation with the mightiest of soldiers in our People’s Army. This included the most arcane, stealthy, and upright of DPRK’s shamans, ninjas, and engineers as well as some fearsome laser-shooting llamas with trees on their backs.
To prove our military power against the demonic forces, we equipped our heroes with over 40 of the mightiest weapons and spells. This included the Hammer and Sickle, laser rifles, and the Capitalist Rat spell that turned our heroes into giant killer rats. Our ultimate power was finally unleashed in the form of the fearsome Weapon of Mass Protection (WMP).
Dear Leader will also tell the tale or how we were able to rebuild our once-flourishing nation. You will have the honor of building and upgrading over 15 buildings that grant many in-game benefits. Structures will include the Public Eatery (a free 24/7 buffet), a cashless casino, and a building to house the Korean Impregnable Malevolent Crisis Handling Interceptor—otherwise known as the K.I.M.C.H.I.
Make ready, comrade. Dear Leader is coming to liberate your polluted western minds in June 2017.
Supreme Leader’s Envoy to the World.
—– MEMO ENDS ——
The website of our Dear Leader: www.uglysoft.net
For more information, please unsuccessfully try to contact the official website of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK).
Honestly? The game could be absolute bollocks – we really have no idea – but the press release certainly got our attention here at Thumbsticks Towers.
They’re probably hoping for an Interview-esque international controversy to whip up a sales frenzy, which might be unlikely, but somebody deserves a pat on the back for that mailshot.