Gord help us all, the worst ever Tekken character is back.
There are two kinds of Tekken players in this world: those who played as Eddie Gordo, and those who complained about people who played as Eddy Gordo.
There’s another way you can look at that particular divide. If you were good at Tekken 3, when Gordo first flailed his legs into Namco’s fighting series, then you never, ever played as the so-called Capoeira master. Playing as Gordo was the ultimate dick move in Tekken 3 circles, a lazy player’s button-bashing dance of simplicity, virtually unplayable yet simultaneously requiring precisely zero skill and mastery of the game.
And if you didn’t see the problem with playing as Eddy Gordo, then we’re sorry to have to tell you this, but you were not good at Tekken 3. You were not good at all. You were the worst, and everybody hated you.
Fast forward twenty years and – aside from all feeling rather old now – Eddy Gordo has just been confirmed for Tekken 7‘s Western release. It’s been out in arcade format in Japan since 2015 and in the Eastern home market since 2016, but it will finally be gracing Western consoles and PCs this summer.
Are we feeling any better about Eddy Gordo this time? Let’s watch the reveal trailer and see.
No. No we are not. He’s clearly still the worst and, if you play as him, you are by extension, also the worst.
Top tip for counteracting Gordo’s nonsense: play as King, the tiger-header luchador wrestler, and catch-grapple-counter his stupid flailing legs whenever he gets anywhere near you. Take that, you cheap-ass button-bashers.